


No one can know how we met

by Myheadhurts98



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bullying, Cutting, Gang Rape, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Josh Dun & Tyler Joseph Are Best Friends, Josh is 18, No Self-Harm, Rape, Sad, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Trigger warnings will be listed before every chapter, Tyler is 17, Unrequited Love, a lot of tears, btw tyler and josh aren't in love but kinda flirty, jenna and tyler are friends, no joshler sorry, tyler loves jenna, tyler loves writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-06-24 14:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15632994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myheadhurts98/pseuds/Myheadhurts98
Summary: The story of how Tyler and Josh met isn't a beautiful one.Tyler Joseph gets bullied by his high school classmates just because of his passion for writing and the fact that his only friend is a girl named Jenna. One night they take it too far...(I don't know why I did this. I am sorry! And btw english is not my first language...)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did this to Tyler. He's a real person...what the heck why am I like this?
> 
> Trigger warning: please do not read this if this content which includes graphic rape triggers you, I mean, I am triggered by this topic but you know what I mean.  
> I do not support rape in any way!

Tyler was used to the hate. To the comments. To everything. They would call him names. But it was okay. He could deal with that as long as he had his friend, his only friend, Jenna. She was beautiful in every way. Jenna Black had a big heart. She was loving and full of joy. She was Tylers silver lining. Both shared the passion for writing. They would write poems and little stories and sometimes just nonesense. Tyler loved her. Not just like friends love each other. He truly loved her. But he couldn't tell her. He was afraid that things would change. That he would lose the only person who gave him hope and purpose. Sure, he had his family but no one seemed to understand him and they weren't interested in understanding him. Of course they loved him, but they never listened to what Tyler said. When they asked him how school has been and he answered with ''awful'' they didn't reply just because they were too busy with doing things in the house. Or when he got home with swollen eyes because he cried they either didn't see it or ignored it. Tyler was pretty sure they ignored it everytime. But he was okay with that too. He still had Jenna. And she understood.

Tyler entered the hallway of the school and just a minute later he was slammed into the lockers by a few of his classmates. It was a particular group who bullied him always. It was a group of boys who were all older then him. He was one of the youngest in his class. ''Here is our little slut!'' one boy hissed as he was grabbed at the collar of his maroon coloured sweater. Tyler shut his eyes and tried to ignore the words but he couldn't. ''Where's your friend, Tyler? Is Jenna even your friend? Or does she just feel sorry for you and that's why she hangs out with you?'' The other boys around him laughed. Tyler slowly opened his eyes. Everyone in the hallway ignored them. No one cared enough to tell the boys to stop and Tyler felt lost. He was looking for Jenna but he couldn't find her. ''Tyler, listen...I didn't have anyone to fuck for a week now and I tell you now : I will fuck your little ass so hard that you won't be able to walk in the next days!'' . Tyler froze. He didn't believe him. He told himself that they would never do something like that. Nevertheless his eyes were watering now and he was in panic. The boy again slammed his head against the hard metal of the lockers and pushed him to the floor. ''See you, little whore!'' ''Fuck off!'' he heard a voice say. It was Jenna. Tyler quickly stood up. ''Thank you'' he wispered. ''Well, no problem, Tyler. I am so tired of this shit. They should be suspended from school. But you don't want anyone to know what's happening and I don't understand that...''. Actually Tyler tried to tell someone. He told some teachers and the student council what he was going through every day but everyone just said that the only way to defeat them was to show them he didn't care. They didn't show interest in how Tyler was doing. Weren't asking if he was doing better. They just didn't want to put up with another case of bullying. Tyler tried to do what they suggested him to do but every day it gets worse and worse. And even though he had Jenna, it's not like the words and actions wouldn't hurt his feelings. Wouldn't make him feel ashamed and worthless. Tyler just shrugged his shoulders whereupon Jenna said '' Doesn't matter now. You know what? This evening you can come to my house and we will write a little bit.'' ''Sounds great!'' Tyler answered and smiled at her. Tyler and Jenna were sitting in Jennas room. Both cross-legged. Jenna read her poem to Tyler who was falling in love with her more and more the longer he listened and watched her reading. Her lips, the way she read it, so passionate, her mind, so beautiful. ''And how do you like it?'' asked Jenna as she finished reading. ''I love you''. Tyler accidently spoke out what he felt in that moment. He looked at her with dreamy eyes. First, when Jenna let out a surprised ''What did you say?'' Tyler noticed what he had just said. ''Tyler, what did you just say?'' her voice was more serious now. '' I- I mean... '' _Why did I say this? Why did I ruin this? Why Why Why?_ Tylers heart was racing. He was worried. Worried that she didn't love him. That she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. Worried that he would lose Jenna. ''I-I just...'' Tyler played with the sleeves of his sweater. ''Tyler, did you just say you love me?'' Jenna also sounded worried. This was not a good sign, Tyler thought. Anyways he answered with a soft '' yes... I did''. Jenna closed her eyes. ''Tyler, I am sorry, but... I do not feel the same way for you...''. Tyler could feel his heart break into million pieces. He also closed his eyes and swallowed. His chest hurt and it felt like tears were about to fall down his cheeks but he tried to hold it on. With a shaky voice he said ''It's okay. I-it was stupid.I think-I think I should just go back home now...''. Jenna didn't open her eyes and just nod. Tyler took his notebook and ran down the stairs. _Why am I so stupid? Why?_ _And why did you actually think she would love you?_ As he left her house , tears rolled down his cheek. It was already dark outside and the streets were empty. Tyler was in front of a dead-end road when a hand grabbed his right arm and pushed him onto the road. 

''No way. This little piece of shit just showed up! Right time, right place! No one will notice anything!''. Tyler turned around and saw the group of boys standing around him. Fear. That is all he could feel now. All the feelings from the minute before were gone. One boy kneeled down to him. The rest was still standing around him so that he had no chance to leave. ''Well, like I told you today, I need a hole to fuck!'' ''Then fuck your friends!'' Tyler answered quickly and he should have known that this was stupid because he was slapped hard across his face. Tyler tried to stand up but the boys dragged him down. Again and again until Tyler was tired of fighting them. They kicked him to the ground with their feet. Suddenly his arms were pinned above his head. The boy who kneeled down to him crawled over him now. ''No, please don't! I - I will do anything but don't-'' Another slap across his face. His eyes were watering again. ''You can beg as long as you want, but I will fuck you right here, right now'' said the boy smirking while undoing first his pants and then Tylers. ''NO!NO! Please! Ple-'' Suddenly there was a hand over his mouth and only muffled screams of Tyler could be heard. When the boy pushed his lenght inside Tyler he fully began to cry. The tears ran down his cheeks and he screamed out of pain. He could feel blood running down his thighs and hands grabbing his waist forcefully. Tyler couldn't believe that this was really happening. He didn't want to believe it. After this he had to deal with the memories for the rest of his life. A feeling of shame and disgust which he can't just wash away. The boy pounded so hard into Tyler that he almost felt dizzy. He wanted to throw up. Tyler heard the boy grunt and say his name while he got faster. ''Could you turn him so he‘s lying on his stomach? I want to use his mouth'' Tyler heard another boy say. He desperately tried to shake his head but the boy lifted Tylers thigh and turned him around while still being inside of him. He was lying on his stomach now. His hands were tied togehter on his back. One boy forced him onto his knees and thrusted his lenght into Tylers mouth without any warning. He gagged and choked and tried to gasp for breath but they wouldn't stop. Tyler felt so much pain. Not just physically but also mentally. He felt so used and broken. _Now you're really just a worthless little slut! these hands on your skin, all these hands, all these hands._ The boy grabbed his hair and thrusted deeper into his mouth until he came. His come landed in Tylers throat and he was forced to swallow everything. When he finally let Tyler breahte again, Tyler started to cough and heave.He was still crying and now that his mouth was free he screamed again but his voice was broken. He fell forward onto his cheek and felt the boy behind him still thrusting inside him. Tyler thought that they would never stop but suddenly he heard a voice out of the distance. A voice of another boy. ''STOP THAT!'' 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: again, a lot of graphic rape! Read at your own risk. There's also a lot of fighting.  
> Stay safe! 
> 
> Tyler is broken. A boy with purple hair will help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Correct me! tell me if there are sentences that don't make sense or where I made mistakes!

Tyler thought he had imagined the voice telling the boys to stop. He turned his head to find the person. It was a boy with purple hair. The boy jumped off of his bike he was riding and ran to he group who was raping Tyler. The boy inside him got faster and faster until he came inside him. After pulling his length out, he grabbed Tylers hair und yanked his body up. Tyler let out a cry of pain. ''Oh, now someone will actually try to save you...Sad!Good, that I got the chance to fuck my little cunt. You've been one of the best fucks I had for long time now. Maybe because you were a virgin, right? '' The boy laughed. Tylers lips were trembling and he was sobbing. He was a virging. And it should have been his choice to change that but it was taken for him. Tyler felt weak and helpless. He didn't want to be in his own body anymore. He wanted to be someone else. He felt dirty.  
When the purple-haired boy arrived three boys of the group started fighting him. He was punched in the face and kicked into his ribs but he didn't give up. _Why didn't I fight enough? If I would have been strong enough... But I'm weak._ Meanwhile Tyler was pushed to the ground again and another boy had his turn and thrusted his lenght inside Tyler. Tyler screamed as loud as he could with his broken voice. He was lying on his stomach, head turned to the right where he could see the purple-haired boy fight the others. Everything was blurry because of the tears in his eyes. The grip on his waist got tigther with every thrust. Suddenly he felt a pressure that made his lungs feel like they were about to be crushed. Someone fell onto his back. It was one of the boys in the fight. He lost control and fell right onto Tyler. That didn't bother the guy who was inside him. He only got faster, when Tyler moaned out of pain. He spanked Tylers ass, leaving red marks. ''I'm almost coming!! T-Tyler! You are a gooood boy!'' and Tyler thought that he would go even faster now but suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing. Tyler slowly turned his head to see that the purple-haired boy threatened one of the boys with a knife. ''I tell you one more time: Stop that! If you don't, I will send the police a video of you raping him. Yes, I recorded this when I told you to stop because I assumed that I would not be strong enough to fight you all. '' His voice was very calm. Tyler tried to crawl away but the boy dragged him back. ''Guys, let's stop'' said the boy who was threatened by the knife. ''Only this time, the next time, everyone gets to fuck him and I will punch you 'til your dead if you get in the way!''. Tyler was pushed to the ground again and before the boys left everyone kicked him one more time! The purple-haired boy tried to stop it but without success.

When the boys were gone, Tyler was lying curled up on the ground and silently crying to himself. He felt empty. The other boy slowly sat down next to Tyler and he knew that it was the best to do nothing for a minute. So for almost five minutes, Tyler just looked at the wall of a house and cried. He was confused. How could he feel everything and in the same time nothing at all. ''I-I think, we should, uh, we should maybe leave... uhm, by the way, my name's Josh... I-I know, you probably don't want to hear anything now, but.... I-I am really sorry for what happened to you.'' . Tyler suddendly felt the strength to sit up. He wanted to look into the eyes of the boy who saved him. The boy who cared. His eyes were mocha brown.Tyler immediatley felt secure. ''Thank you...for saving me!'' Tyler almost whispered. Josh nodded ''Of course!''. Tyler slowly pulled up his boxers and his pants. His thighs and hips were covered with bruises,blood and come. At this sight he again began to cry eventhough he thought that there would be no tears left. His eyes hurt from all the crying. The little sobs from Tyler were all that could be heard in the street. Suddenly Tyler felt the need to be hold by someone trustable eventhough he was afraid of the touch of hands now. He crawled closer to Josh and layed his arms around his neck. Josh seemed surprised. When Tyler put his head to Joshs chest, Josh wrapped his arms carefully around Tylers body. Tyler slightly flinched but he trusted him and that relaxed him. A few teardrops fell onto Joshs chest. He gently rocked Tyler and they sat like this for half an hour until Josh noticed that Tyler fell asleep in his arms. He didn't want to wake him up at all but his watch said that it was already 3:30 am and he needed to go home. ''Ty-Tyler? Tyler was your name right? I think-I think we should go now...'' . He poked the nose of the sleeping boy. His eyes were slowly opening. Tyler was looking into Joshs eyes. ''Don't you think, uhm- that maybe we should go home now?''. Tyler nodded as response. 

The boys were walking home. Josh wheeling his bicycle beside himself. Tylers house was on the way to Josh's so they stopped at his door. ''Hey, give me your phone so I can give you my number, if you need to call me!'' Josh proposed and Tyler handed him his phone. When Josh typed in his number, he let out a quick ''Good night'' before turning around to leave but Tyler pat his shoulder and gave him one more close hug. ''Watch out on your way home'' Tyler whispered. He felt oddly comfortable with Josh.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: self-hate,blood
> 
> Tyler feels alone.

Tyler entered his house and everything was silent. No one was awake and all the lights were turned off. Like nothing happened. Like no one was missing in this family. Tyler just looked at his home. Everything was normal. Just like he left it. With this scent that always reminded him of home. His home where he grew up to the 17 year old boy he was today. And nothing felt right in that moment. He felt like he shouldn't be there. His home, this silence, everything felt too normal. But something happened. And Tyler didn't want to believe, didn't want to admit, that it happened, but he knew it. He felt it. He walked upstairs where his siblings,his parents and his own room was. Every step hurt. Every step reminded him of the boys. Of the hands. He hesitated in front of the door of his room. He wanted to go to his parents. He wanted to be with them. Sleep in their bed. Feel like a little child again. And he didn't want to be alone. So he softly opened the door to his parents room and sneaked inside. He walked to their bed and crawled next to his mother. She turned around to see which kid just huddled up against her. ''Tyler? What are you doing here?'' Tyler wondered if she could see his red, swollen eyes and the marks of the slaps across his face and if she did, what he should tell her. ''I-I just need you right now'' Tyler said whispering. His mother took her phone from the nightstand. She checked the time and while doing that she definitely saw his face. She even looked at him in surprise but didn't say a word about that. ''Tyler, you are seventeen and I think you can sleep on your own now. Go to your room, it's almost 4 o' clock...'' Tyler wanted to say something, wanted to beg so that he could stay but she just moved around again and closed her eyes. Tyler didn't know how many times his heart could be broken. But it happened again. Over and over again. He left the bed and let out a little '' Okay, good night...''. Than he walked to his room. Inside his room he stripped off all his clothes. But it wasn't easy at all. He was shaking. All his clothes were lying in a pile on the ground. In front of him was a mirror and as he saw himself in it, his eyes were filled with tears again. His face, red and tear-stained, his ribs, his waist and his thighs, full of finger-shaped bruises but also bruises the boys left when they kicked him. But not just the bruises. The dried blood and come all over his thighs and his waist.  He looked terrible. He looked used. Abused, wasted. Never had Tyler hated himself more than in that moment. _You look like whore, like a slut, like a needy little slut, and you deserved it, everything, every minute, every second, because you are what they said and no one cares because everyone knows that they are right._ Tyler bit his lips. He couldn't stop thinking. It was a voice inside his head which he couldn't control. _Your parents don't care, not even your siblings care. They weren't worried. It didn't matter to them where you have been at 2 o'clock in the morning. They didn't leave a single message on your phone. They just went to bed. No, your mum even looked at your ugly face. She saw your swollen eyes but she didn't care. And this boy called Josh, he just did it for himself because he is too kind. He wants to help everyone. But does he really care? And Jenna? Well, maybe she would have cared but you ruined it._ Tyler ran into his bathroom, turned on the faucet of his shower and jumped under the water. He cried and rubbed his skin. All the blood was dissapearing in the drain but Tyler still didn't feel clean. He desperately scrubbed his skin with shower foam. He emptied a whole bottle. But he didn't feel clean. _Try it, try it, but it's who you are. A dirty little slut!_ Tyler let the bottle of shower foam slip out of his hands to grab his hair. ''No, no, no, no... I don't want to feel anything, I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel!''Tyler whispered to himself. He moved his hands to his eyes, rubbing them. He wanted the tears to stop. Half an hour he spent under the shower until he turned off the water. He dried himself and put on a shirt and some boxers. Tyler grabbed his phone and sat down onto his bed. He typed in Joshs number and played with the seam of his shirt, hoping that he would pick up. But it just rang. No one picked up. He threw his phone across the room and took his notebook.   
  


_''_ My heart, my eyes, my body, everything hurts, hurts, hurts so bad,

Am I not lovable? Or how do you define love? Does love mean to have sex? Even if its not consensual? It's called making love right? Why am I afraid to write the word sex? Was it love? No, no, no. It wasn't love. It wasn't love. It hurt. It can't be love. 

Does my family love me? Does anyone love me? Love. Does anybody like me? Do I like myself? No. No. Disgusting. Slut. Whore. Dirty.

I deserve it. _''_

 

Tyler believed the voice in his head.  

 

Tyler woke up on the floor. He was tired. Slowly he stood up and changed his clothes. He hoped that everything was just a nightmare and the strange feeling inside him was just because this nightmare felt too real. He went downstairs to see his siblings and his parents. ''Good morning, Tyler!'' Maddy said. '' Good morning, Maddy" he responded. He sat down next to her but wasn't hungry at all. He felt sick.   
He got to school by bus and when he entered the hallway he looked for Jenna. _If we are good, than everything was a nightmare. Than I didn't tell her I loved her, than I didn't leave her house, than..._ Tyler lied to himself. He tried to suppress his feelings. He didn't look at himself at all this morning while changing his clothes. Suddenly he saw her. Jenna was entering the hallway. ''Hey, Jenna!'' But Jenna just ignored him. She walked past Tyler looking kind of sad and annoyed at the same time. Tylers heart once again felt like it would break into milions of pieces and he slightly began to panic because his lie didn't work out. He did ruin their friendship and afterwards he was...raped. He needed to throw up so he ran to a trash can in the hallway. He heard people whispering his name. ''Look at Tyler...He's so disgusting!''. Tyler had to sit down against the lockers. He was having a panick attack and everyone saw but no one cared. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there are no heavy triggers, but of course he deals with the feelings and memories of the rape, so read carefully
> 
> Tyler thinks that someone might care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty heartbreaking so far, but things will get better, and then worse again :) sorry

Tyler managed to calm down and get through the rest of the schoolday. But the voice in his mind wouldn't stop reminding him that he got raped. The feeling of their hands on his skin, the feeling of them inside him, he felt completely uncomfortable and dirty. Everything, the atmosphere, his feelings, the weather, seemed just grey to him. Like a grey transparent veil that covered his eyes. It was hard for him to not go to Jenna. Tyler spent his breaks in the cabin of the toilets or he hid in a lonely corner of the library.

Jenna, who was sitting with other people, saw Tyler in the middle of the cafeteria looking lost and for a place to sit. He walked towards a table where two girls and three boys were sitting.Tyler knew them from arts class and one seat was still available. He placed his food on the table and sat down. "Hey, my name's Tyler. You maybe know me from arts class..",he said smiling. When he was about to eat for the first time this day, one of the girls suddenly said "Tyler, you can't sit here."Tyler looked at them in confusion. "Didn't you hear her, man?" a boy said. Once again he felt completely unwanted. "Right... I'll- I'll just leave! Enjoy your meal..." Tyler quickly grabbed his backpack and his food. While looking for an empty table, Jennas and his eyes met. She didn't smile or invite him to sit with her and her other friends and there was also no empty table left. That's when he returned his food and hid in a cabin of the boys restroom.  He took out his notebook and wrote down just one sentence:  _"It's safe to say that I am not lovable"_

Why am I here? Why am I living? For who am I living?

When Tyler was back home the first things he did were throwing up and showering. He felt sick and dirty. Afterwards he sat on his bed and grabbed his phone, again trying to call Josh. He was pretty sure that he would ignore his calls because he probably didn't want to put up with him. Tyler couldn't blame him, he had done enough for him. But still, he was dissapointed when after spending two minutes waiting, no one picked up. Tyler laid on his back and glanced at the ceiling. For one hour he did nothing else until suddendly his phone rang. He quickly sat up. It was Josh! Finally he could talk to someone. "Hey, it's Tyler!" He said, maybe a little too excited. "Tyler, hey... I uh... Don't call me again... I-I can't-" and Josh just hung up. Tyler should have known it. His chest hurt and tears were rolling down his cheeks again.  _Oh my, I was right! Literally no one cares about you!_

Tyler wanted to die. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw the situation in the cafeteria was inspired or actually almost the same like in a deleted scene from the movie "the perks of being a wallflower". I looove this movie and this scene just breaks my heart!! 
> 
> Man, I had the whole chapter written down and suddendly something popped up and the only way to get that away was to go back to the last side you visited and usually I copy the texts but this time I didn't know how to because I have a knew phone and then everything was gone and I had to rewrite everything!!! Well, usually I also write on my laptop ... I am tired!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: bullying
> 
> Tyler feels secure with Josh.

Tyler found a little note attached to the front-door as he left his house in the morning. It was as note from Josh. " I'll pick you up at 5pm today - Josh". _Should I trust him? Will he really pick me up? Am I gonna get hurt again?_ These questions ran trough his head. He put the note into his pocket and walked to school. Every single second Tyler was afraid that one of the boys who raped him would show up. He avoided the school bus because of the bullies, Jenna and especially because the risk, that one of the boys took the same bus, was too high. Before entering the school Tyler closed his eyes and tried to tell himself that this day was gonna be better. He would just hide in the library again and nothing would happen. But as soon as his eyes were closed, everything happened again. The kicking,the undressing, the rape. Tyler bit his lips until they bled. He heard the boys voice, moaning his name, in his head. "go.now." Tyler whispered to himself. He opened his eyes and entered the school. 

In the first classes nothing happened. Fortunately he didn't see Jenna. But when Tyler entered the class for math everyone was laughing. Tyler stared at the floor. He didn't want to meet anyones eyes. Suddenly he was pushed forwards. He managed to hold on to a table. But a hand grabbed his hair and slammed his head down onto the table. Tylers heart was racing. His classmates were laughing. Two boys yanked him up and hold both of his arms.  A girl smirked at him. "Tyler, Tyler... is it true what some students say here? You let guys fuck you until you bleed?" Tyler was angry. "NO! No, I don't!!" he yelled. But the girl slapped his face. The whole class was cheering. "Tyler, is it the truth? Are you a slut?" "I'm not!". Four slaps followed his answer. She grabbed his throat and choked him. A few students stopped laughing now. But enough were still cheering. Tyler gagged. Tears were forming in his eyes. "Tyler, are you a little slut?" Tyler tried to nod. "y-yeah. 'm a sl-" was all that he could say because he couldn't breathe. "let him go!" a familiar voice said. It was Jenna. She loosened her grip around his throat, whereupon Tyler coughed. The boys let go off his arms. Tyler looked at Jenna. She had seen this whole situation from the beginning and didn't stop them earlier. Tyler wondered if he ever has been as important to her as she was, still is, to him.

He ran outside and just walked and walked until it was 5pm. He arrived at his front-door where Josh was already waiting. Their eyes met and for a while they just stood there looking at each other. Then Josh ran over to Tyler, hugging him. "I'm sorry, Tyler!". Tylers eyes were watering. Since Joshs rescue no one showed him love in any way. He just needed someone. Tyler wrapped his arms around the older boy. "I-I needed you!". Josh nodded as response. " Let's go somewhere else." Josh suggested.

They were sitting on a meadow full of flowers. Tyler picked some while Josh was laying on his back with his eyes closed. "So, what was that yesterday on the phone? Why can't I call you anymore?“." Uh, I... I have some issues at home. Nothing to worry about... Do you wanna talk about- uh... You know? ". Tyler shook his head. The whole time he needed to talk to someone about it and now he didn't know what to talk about. "Do you still have the video?" "Yeah..." "Could you maybe delete it?" "Sure“  "Thanks!“.Tyler placed the flowers on Joshs belly. " How do you feel, Tyler?“. Tyler closed his eyes. "I... feel like shit. Lost. Wasted. Used.Dirty.Sick.Unwanted. I feel like I want to die." Josh opened his eyes, sat up and took his hand. The flowers landed on his lap. "you're not unwanted! I need you!“ Tyler smiled and the first time he didn't see the rape while closing his eyes. Josh was lying on the grass again and Tyler put his head on to Joshs chest."I really need you" Josh said one more time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the mistakes I make and I don't know how much they're bothering you while reading but it's not easy since in my language some sentences would make sense but in english they wouldn't. For example the structure of a sentence or metaphors.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh spend a rainy day together.

It was a rainy fall day. Tyler and Josh were sitting on a bench in a park. Tylers head was resting on Joshs shoulder while Josh played with a leaf. They had skipped school for almost a week now just to spend some time together. The boys would just sit somewhere to think and cry and talk . Tyler had asked Josh a few times what made him sad but Josh always ignored these questions. The younger boy told him more than once that he could always talk to him. That, just because he was broken, he could still listen, maybe even help him.  
Two kids were running around, laughing and following the leafs that were whirling around in the wind. " I want to feel like them. They seem so happy and free." Tyler said. "Yeah, they do." Josh agreed. "Tyler?" "Yes?" "We... We could feel like them..." Tyler looked at him in confusion. "You mean...". Suddenly Josh stood up, took some leaf which were laying on the ground and threw them in the air. Tyler laughed. The wind blew away the leafs. They were whirling around Tylers head. Tyler picked up some leafs and wanted to throw them towards Josh but he ran away. "Wait!" Tyler was smiling. He followed him. Josh accidently ran into the kids. Then he was dragged to the ground and buried in leafs. The kids and Josh were laughing, when Tyler helped them bury Josh.   
They were playing with the kids and Tyler forgot about all his feelings until he fell forward and landed on his stomach. He was scared. Scared that someone might take advantage of him now that he was defenseless. He hid his face behind his arms and squinted his eyes, hoping that nothing would happen. "Tyler, are you okay?" Josh lifted him up whereupon Tyler flinched. Tyler heard Josh saying politely "bye" to the kids. They went to the bench again. Tyler hugged Josh tightly. He was sobbing. His head was resting on his shoulder. "Why?Jo-Josh.I want this to stop. Why do these memories won't stop scaring me? I- I don't want to think about it anymore!“ Josh caressed his back."You have to be strong, Tyler! One day you'll stop thinking about it. These feelings will always be in your heart, but you'll learn how to deal with them and I will help you!“.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I recognized that I accidently wrote suddendly instead of suddenly and I hope I corrected all the suddenlys now :D  
>  Oh and by the way, in the next chapters Tyler will get to know Josh better and so are we ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: violence, Child abuse  
> Tyler gets to know Josh better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I didn't write for a long time now. My last year of school started and life became stressfull again...

Josh. Who was Josh? Tyler barely knew him and still he was a person to feel safe with. Josh was Tylers only hope now and he wanted to know him.

One time, after they spent a day together, Tyler followed him to his house. He wanted to suprise him, so a day later, he visited him. Tyler was nervous when the door was opened by a man. A man with greasy hair and a smell of alcohol on his breath. "Fuck...who's that?". He stared at Tyler who wasn't expecting this at all. "I... Uh... I am Tyler... Joseph. Uhm, is Josh home?" "This twat is upstairs...". Tyler shoved himself inside the house. He hoped that this man wasn't his father. Tyler ran up the stairs and knocked at the only closed door in the corridor. "Who's there?" he heard Josh saying. "It's... It's Tyler." Josh opened the door but not completely. Just so, that Tyler could see him. "Tyler? What the heck do you want here?" "Well, I thought that we should get to know each other." "But..." Somebody ran upstairs and it obviously was the man at the front-door.

"Who do you think you are? You can't just come in without asking me for permission?!"the man said, looking furious.   " oh, hell no... " Josh said. He jumped in front of Tyler to protect him from anything the man planned on doing. " Don't fuck with me, Josh! If I wanna slap him, I'll slap him!“. Tyler was terrified. What was ging on? "Did you invite this whore, you son of a bitch? " "No, no, I didn't.“."He really didn't" said Tyler, hoping that it could help him, but Josh was grabbed at the collar of his shirt. _No, no, no. Why? I should have stayed home._ Josh and the man were fighting and Tyler tried to stop them a few times but it didn't help. Suddenly the man pushed Josh to the floor and wrapped his fingers around Joshs neck. He began to choke him. Josh gagged and tried to breath but the grip around his neck got thighter. Tyler started crying. "Stop! Stop it, please!“. He was sure he that he heard Josh pleading him to stop, calling him dad. Tyler was shocked. Quickly he grabbed an empty glass bottle, which was laying on the grund, and slammed it on to the head of the man who slowly fell to the side, being unconcious. Josh was coughing. "Thanks" he said with a raspy voice. "Sure" Tyler said, while helping him up. "Let's get out!" Josh agreed and they wandered through the streets.

"So...Is he your father?“ Tyler asked shy." Y-Yes..."  "Is he always like this?“ " Well, he became alcoholic after....after my... Uhm... My younger sister. " long pause. "died". Tyler couldn't believe what he said. His chest hurt. "I am... really, really sorry!" "Don't be. I-I don't want anybody to be sorry." "Okay..." Tyler replied. Tyler wondered how his sister died and how his father hurt him. "What... Uh... What is he doing to you?“Josh had teary eyes. "you don't have to tell me, of course!" "No , no. I just never told someone. Uh, he actually he just beats me up when he needs someone to punch..." Tyler hugged him and caressed his back. He didn't want to ask him more. Maybe later but not now. Tyler could feel that Josh was uncomfortable. "You've got my back! ." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooi tired, so sorry if there are a lot of mistakes


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh leaves the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: rape flashbacks, bullying, self-hate, suicidal thoughts, blood, violence

One week had passed since Tyler found out about Joshs father. And Josh didn't want to talk about him, just ignored Tyler, when he caressed a bruise on his cheek and told him that he needed help. Tyler sometimes felt better, but other times he felt worse than ever. Everytime he undressed, his whole body felt cold and numb. He felt like he was about to pass out. Because he still felt _them_ every second. And it felt too real. He hated himself, every day, every minute, every second. 

The two were in Tylers room, both sitting on the floor against the bed. They just talked, Tyler fiddling around with a pencil and Josh folding a piece of paper over and over again. ''Do you - Do you like school, Josh? Is it- Is it hard for you to go there or do you enjoy it?'' ''It's okay, I get along well with almost everyone and I have a really nice group of friends. So, besides the typical stress before exams, it's pretty easy.'' ''Oh...'' He kind of felt like a loser in that moment because it wasn't like that for him. ''There's one girl in this group. She's my best friend. Well, I-I actually... Her name is Debby and... I think, I've fallen in love with her...'' Josh blushed and Tyler started grinning. ''Uuh, do you think she feels the same for you?'' '' I-I don't know... I mean we were friends since 10 years and I really don't want to ruin anything...You know?''. Tyler did know the best. Suddenly his chest hurt. He thought of Jenna and of her reaction, when he revealed his feelings towards her. And suddenly he saw himself laying on the street, surrounded by six boys... He dropped the pencil and put his hands over his eyes. ''Everything alright?'' Josh asked worried. ''You should never tell her. She'll probably turn you down and then everything will be a mess. Just don't do it. She won't love you, okay? Why should she love you? '' Tyler looked at him desperately. Josh frowned. ''Wow...That's nice from you.'' It was clearly sarcasm. Tyler recognized what he just said. He hadn't thought, he just talked. And it was what he had thought about his own situation. Not about Joshs. He just bursted out these thoughts. '' I ... Sorry. No... You should-'' ''You know what,Tyler? I need to go now. And by the way, my baseball team is doing a two-week trip, so...watch out. You'll do it without me...'' Josh stood up and opened the door. Tylers heart was racing. Josh couldn't leave now. Even if it was just a two-week trip, he needed him as often as possible. _How can you be so selfish! Stop thinking about you for a minute._ ''Sure...Uhm...See you and have fun!'' ''See you.'' Josh said quickly and left his room. 

Tyler felt alone again. The darkness encased him. 

 

The next day he tried to convince his mum that he was sick but she didn't believe him so she sent him to school. With his red beanie, a short-sleeved black shirt and his skinny cargo pants he walked through the school. Tyler was sad that he had no one to talk to but as long as everyone left him in peace, he was okay with that. And exactly in that moment he heard a voice that froze his mind completely. ''Tyler Joseph, everybody. Look at this boy. Looks like a whore. See, he wants to be fucked. Maybe he puts you on to his to-do list!'' It was one of _the_ boys who was talking to the other students in the hallway. The leader of the boys, who's name was Daniel, grabbed the back of his shirt and pushed him towards the boys. Tyler couldn't move. His breahting got heavier. He trembled at the touch of his hands. ''Oh, where's your little friend?'' Tyler didn't answer. He just flinched when the boys mouth was next to his ear. ''Fucking answer.'' Tyler didn't, so Daniel kicked Tylers back. He fell across the hallway and landed on his stomach. Again the students around them were just watching. Some were taking pictures and some were doing videos. But no one helped Tyler. Daniel sat next to Tyler and hit his head agressively against the floor. Tyler thought that his nose was going to break. Blood streamed down his face. He was crying hysterically but Daniel didn't stop. ''Nooo...St- Oww! Stop it-please! Pl-ahhh! Please!'' and then the bell rang and saved Tyler. Everyone left. 

 

Tyler somehow managed to crawl to the boys restroom. He locked himself in a cabin and leaned against the door. The tears ran down his face uncontrollably. He grabbed his phone to call Josh, but no one answered. Tyler smashed the phone to the ground. It broke.  
How could he still keep on living? There was no reason left to keep on. No motivation in his bones or in his tired mind. Tyler already felt dead. Slowly he began to believe the things they tell him everyday. He already hated himself but still the insults hurt. Finally they damaged his brain. It was not just the voice in his head anymore. He truly believed now that he was a whore, a useless slut, a piece of shit, some toy to fuck, nothing, worthless, all the things they said. 

 

After one hour he left the cabin. Then he washed his bloody face and walked home. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler experiences his lonliest days
> 
> TW: this chapter is so far the darkest chapter I've written in my opinion. Bullying,(Gang-) Rape, Cutting, Blood,Violence  
> Read at your own risk!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo sorry I didn't write anything new. School is stressing me and I also have to work... But I'll finish this story! I promise!  
> :*

Tyler missed Josh. He forced himself to school. He had to go. Otherwise the teachers would recognize it and then they would tell his parents who would be more than angry with him. They expect him to get good grades. A few more times he tried to convince his parents that he was sick but they didn't care. They didn't notice that Tyler had stopped eating, that he had dark circles under his eyes because of lack of sleep, that Tyler flinched when someone touched him accidentally, that he often had red,swollen eyes from crying. And so didn't his siblings. They were to busy to notice. 

His heart hurt so much, he couldn't stand it. Tyler felt so useless in this world. But the thought of Josh coming back home gave him motivation to keep on. He would apologize to him. And hopefully Josh would forgive him.

Lonely he sat on the bench of a bus station. He tried to think of nothing but his mind was full of thoughts. Suddenly he saw two girls walking towards the bus station. One of the girls stared at Tyler. She kind of looked confused. ''Do I know you?'' she asked. Tyler shrugged his shoulders. ''I don't know you...Or at least I can't remember...'' Tyler slightly smiled at her. She was beautiful. She had hazel brown eyes and medium brown hair. ''What's your name?'' the girl asked him. '' I am... I'm Tyler.'' ''I knew that I knew you!!'' The girl smirked at him. Tyler was confused. Who was she and how could she know him? ''You're Josh's new friend,right?'' Her voice had an agressive undertone. ''Oh...yeah. Josh is a friend of mine. '' Tyler felt insecure. ''Okay, now listen: Josh is mine. I know that you guys hang out almost every minute. You even skip school. I didn't hang out with him for weeks now. He always tells me ''Tyler needs me, Tyler this, Tyler that!'' I saw pictures he took of you... That's how I recognized you. I don't know what's wrong with you, I have no idea why you need him so much, but cope with whatever you're having a problem with and fuck off. And if you're trying to see him again I'll hurt you soo bad!''. With every word Tyler felt more and more nauseos and when the girl slapped his face he was about to pass out. ''Oh my - Debby! Let's go!!'' said the other girl, which has been silent the whole time, giggling. Debby looked at him one more time and then left with her friend. Tyler was trembling. Debby... Debby was the girl Josh was in love with. Why should he be intimidated by her? He could easily fight her. Why should he listen to this girl? But anyways it hurt and made him worry. What if she'll make him decide between her and Tyler and he'll choose her? 

 

Tyler was sick of his depressive mood. He could no longer stand that he was pushed around. Maybe if he smiled a little bit more, maybe if seemed happier, then people would hang out with him. Maybe they were just so distant because they didn't want to put up with someone crying all the time about how hard life is. So the next days Tyler forced a smile on to his face and greeted people in the hallway. He participated in clubs and signed up for the basketball team. He started eating again and didn't hide in the library or on toilet during breaks. And he did so the whole week but it didn't change a thing. When he greeted classmates they would keep on ignoring him or would laugh at him. In clubs he was left out. They didn't care about his opinion. One time they even gave him the wrong time for the next meeting.So he was waiting in the club room for about an hour until he realized that they tricked him. The basketball team gave him a chance. He acutally was really good at basketball but they just called him names and made him trip a few times. So he wasn't accepted. And in the cafeteria he was still eating alone. Tyler was dissapointed. Every night he cried until his eyes hurt. He had tried so hard. And even though the people in school kept on being mean to him he smiled at them. 

 

The last schoolday of the week was a cruel one. Actually Tyler was pretty excited because on monday Josh would return. He walked through the school with that forced smile. First class was swimming. Tyler had always enjoyed swimming classes. But since _the night_  he couldn't strip his clothes off without thinking about _it_ and the boys being in the same changing room just made it worse. Everytime after swimming class he tried to be the first to leave the room but this time he was the last. Someone had thrown all his clothes into the water and he needed to dry them with a blow dryer. All by himself he sat in the changing room. Or at least he thought he was alone. Suddenly a group of boys appeared. Or rather _the group of boys_. ''Tyler!!'' Daniel said. Quickly he looked up turning the blow dryer off. His heart was racing  and tears were forming in his eyes as he saw who entered the room. ''You're still wet!'' The boys stepped closer to him. Tyler jumped on the bench to be in a higher position. ''Don't you try to-'' But his sentence was cut off. He was dragged to the ground. His ribs hurt. ''No, let me go!!'' Tyler screamed. But Daniel just grabbed his hair with his fist and dragged him over the floor to the shower room.  He kicked him inside and turned the faucet of a shower. Ice cold water ran over Tyler. He shivered at the sudden coldness. _Stand up! Stand up!_ He forced himself to stand up but as soon as he stood Daniel  pinned him to the wall. '' Now I can finally fuck you like the little whore you are and nobody will interrupt us to save you!'' he said looking directly into Tylers eyes who let out a little whimper. ''Please don't do this again...'' he whispered begging. Tyler had never felt so lost before. His view was blurry of all the tears in his eyes. He began to fully cry when Daniel pulled down Tylers swim trunks and his own trousers. The sound of the pouring water, the sobs and cries from Tyler and the pounding from Daniel into him was all that could be heard. Daniel had a firm grip in Tylers hair. He yanked his head against the wall so all that Tyler could see was the ceiling of the room. He screamed for it to stop. ''Shut it, slut!'' Daniel said under his grunts and started to pound harder. Tyler covered his mouth with his hands and heaved a few times. Daniel got faster and faster until he came inside him. Slowly his grip in Tylers hair loosened.He made Tyler look into his eyes again. Humiliated. He felt worse than humiliated. He felt like an object. And he felt so much shame. In Daniels eyes was some sort of relief. ''I fucking needed that hole!'' He grinned at him. Suddenly he took out a pocket knife from his jackets pocket and held it towards Tyler. ''Now I'll pimp you a little bit up, so you'll always remember what you are and what you are made for!'' Without a warning he put all his weight against Tyler so he couldn't move at all, took his right arm and started cutting into his flesh. Tyler had never screamed so loud. He tried to pull his arm away but Daniel was to strong. ''Hurry up,man! You already had him the last time. We want to fuck him to!'' said one of the boys in the back.  Tyler felt dizzy, his arm was hot and the blood was running down his hands. A few times he passed out but he quickly came around because the pain was to sharp. Then finally the noises and the pain completely faded out. He saw nothing. Everything was black and everything was silent.Tyler hoped to be dead now. But he wasn't. After three minutes he again came around and found himself laying on the floor. He was laying on his stomach. Another boy was fucking him. The pounding made him rub over the floor. Emotionless he looked at his bleeding right arm which was lying next to his face. The words _''filthy slut ''_ were scarved into his skin.   
Every boy fucked him how and as long as they wanted . Tyler thought that this will go on forever. He didn't fight anymore. He was just being used over and over again. His body was sore and he had cried until he had no tears left. Tyler was completely damaged,he didn't even recognize when the boys were finally finished with him. He was just laying on the floor, looking at his cut arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that there are not too many spelling or grammar mistakes bc maybe it ruins the plot of the story if there are strange sentences that make no sense... :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler doesn‘t understand.
> 
> trigger warning: blood, mentions of rape/ kind of graphic memories of rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am more than sorry that it took me sooo long to continue this story. I just barely find the time to write. But I promised to keep on writing. :) oh I‘m also sorry about the fact that this chapter is so short, but I‘ve got ideas don‘t worry.

It was 5pm, one hour later, when Tyler found the strength to move his sore body. He hadn’t been doing anything else then staring at his cut arm. Tyler had felt empty. There hadn’t been any thoughts, any feelings, any memories in his mind. He had felt just like a ghost. But when he finally moved, he felt every bit of his body hurting horribly. And with the physical pain came the mental pain. Just the slightest moves made Tyler feel sick. He crawled onto his knees. The whole floor was covered in blood. And so was he. The blood was running down his arm, his thighs and even down his cheek. His eyes were wartering. Tyler didn’t know what to feel anymore. He was completely confused since the first time already made him feel the shamefullest he could feel. No word, no feeling, could measure up to the disgust and hate he felt towards himself. Every part of his body has been touched, has been used. Abused. Slowly he stood up and pulled up his blood-soaked swim trunks. While walking to the changing rooms like a drunk, the tears were rolling down his face. He had to stop a few times to prevent passing out. The pain was incredible. He managed to get to his still wet clothes but when he moved to put his shirt back on, he felt so sick that he had to throw up. Tyler really had no idea why he even kept on moving but somehow he didn’t just want to give up. He took a towel and cleaned himself up, still crying hysterically. What did I do to deserve that? He wasn’t even sad anymore. Tyler was rather confused, frustrated, irritated. He believed the words on his arm. Tyler was a filthy slut and he deserved everything. But he didn’t know why. Quickly he dressed himself. The material of his shirt was sticking to the cut on his arm. The walk home was cruel. Every second hurt. It felt like the boys were still thrusting their penises inside him. It felt like the boys were still stroking his cheeks, his neck, his chest, his hips, his thighs. It felt like the boys were still covering up his mouth to stop him from screaming. It felt like the boys were still choking him, slapping him, kicking him, cutting him. Tyler knew that he didn’t want to feel anyone ever again. Neither Josh nor Jenna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw twenty one pilots live once again!!!And it was magical ! But also I couldn’t believe that the reeeal Tyler and the real Josh were in the same hall as I was standing and this made me feel kind of uncomfortable about my fanfic because I‘m putting a reeeal human being in such a cruel story. I am suuuper weird. If they were just fictional characters it would be different but I‘m ‘‘using“ real people ... :) I will continue anyways but do you get what I‘m feeling?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler goes on a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: well, there is nothing specific but the usual mentions of rape. This time it's not too graphic. Alcohol, Violence

Forget. That's what Tyler wanted right now. He wanted to free his mind from all the feelings in his head. Everything he did, felt wrong. Walking, eating, writing, thinking, breathing. He could just lay in his bed and watch the ceiling. It's been a day since  _it_ happened. When he got home from school with his blood-soaked clothes, his blood-smeared face, his wet hair and swollen eyes, his family hasn't been around. Though he thought that they wouldn't have cared anyways, he had been relieved that he was alone that time. Tyler spent a lot of time on toilet vomiting from disgust. And when he wasn't vomiting he was showering. It was a desperate attempt to wash away his feelings. But it didn't work. So he just fell into his bed. 

Tyler could hear his family downstairs, talking about usual things. It had been a normal saturday, the sun had been shining, the birds had sang, the neighbours had cut their lawn, and still the world had felt so empty. Without any reason to keep on. He wished to be one of his siblings, wished to live their lives. He didn't want to be this fucked up kid with this fucked up story. He never asked for this to happen. If he had been greedy for attention maybe it would have been reasonable that he was the poor victim, but that hasn't even been his goal. All he ever wanted was to have one person that cares about him. And he tried to avoid attention as much as possible. Still _he_ out of everyone had to be the person that gets bullied, that gets raped. Two times. Fear. He was afraid that it could happen again. Tyler began to shake. And then he felt rage. How could they do this to him? What was wrong with them? How fucked up were they, not him? Tyler told himself, that he would never let them go this far again. That he would fight them the next time, if there was a next time. And then he felt guilt. He felt shame. He felt like it was his fault. _You were too weak_. Slowly he raised his arm to look at the words that were cut into his skin. _filthy slut_ .

Suddenly the door was opened. His mother looked at him in dissapointment. Tyler immediately sat up and hid his arm under the blanket. ''You're doing nothing! I'm not suprised at all. If you at least did something for school or if you spent your time with Jenna or whoever you like to hang out with... But you're just laying here and waisting your time.'' Tylers heart was aching. He couldn't do anything, he just couldn't. And even if he could: he had no friends to hang out with. ''Mom, look-'' ''No, you will leave this house now! I want you to do something productive!'' She grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him up onto his feet. Tyler froze. The feeling of her hands made him feel umcomfortable. He wanted to cry. It was just his mother and yet he felt like these hands could hurt him. He shut his eyes and shook his head histerically. His mother didn't wonder, she just thought that his behaviour was a way to put up resistance. ''Here, take this money and buy yourself a drink or invite a friend to a cafe, just do something. I don't want to see you again for at least three hours!!''. She yelled at him and pushed him to the stairs. Tyler quickly grabbed the money, his shoes and a jacket and ran down the stairs to leave the house.  So, his own home wasn't a safe place anymore.

The atmosphere on the streets freaked him out. Too many people, too many cars, too many sounds. He was afraid that one of the boys showed up anytime. Tyler already felt their hands on his skin. Actually he felt them all the time. But now he was afraid of them touching him for real. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He ran. Just ran. Until he arrived at the park he used to sit in with Josh. He slowed down and walked for a while. If Josh was here, he would tell him something that calmed him down. Automatically he reached for his phone in the pocket of his jacket just to discover that it was broken. Of course... He had forgotten about the phone. One day, just one day. Then Josh would be back. Tyler really missed his voice.

It had been about 7pm when he left his house. Two hours had ticked away. Tyler passed by streets he had never seen before. He couldn't be around the spots he always used to be around. These spots were too normal, too usual, too associated with good memories. And Tyler wasn't normal anymore. He was damaged. So he accidentally got into the ''party-area'' of his hometown. He realized that when he saw people singing loudly. When the streets were filled with clubs. When the smell of weed filled the air. When broken bottles were laying on the ground. It wasn't even dark outside. Actually it was just dawning. Tyler felt uncomfortable. He wanted to walk home. No matter how his mother would react. His room was the only place he felt safe at. ''Sweetie!! Take a shot!!'' a drunk slurred and urged Tyler to take the little shot glass. Tyler felt anxious. ''I really don't-'' He was cut off by the man. ''Oh yeah, you do!!'' and without any warning the shot glass was pushed to his mouth. The man grabbed a strand of Tylers hair and yanked his head back so that he was forced to drink up. The liquid ran down his throat. His chest was burning. ''What the hell! I didn't ask for that?!'' Tyler was in shock. Why do people always decide on his life. ''Loosen up! We want to party!'' Tyler turned around and left but the man grabbed his jacket and pulled him back. ''Stay! My friends want to meet you too!'' Tylers heart was racing. _The next time I will figth._ ''Do not touch me!'' He stripped off his jacket and ran away. But unfortunately he ran into another man. A woman was by his side. ''Slow down, boy!'' . Both were smelling of beer. The man that had forced him to drink, catched him up. ''This pretty boy doesn't want to celebrate but I will change his mind!'' ''No, you won't!!'' Tyler got really angry. Everything felt like a nightmare. Suddenly he felt something shatter on his head. He felt dizzy and his head hurt horribly. His eyes felt tired and slowly he began to pass out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''If he had been greedy for attention maybe it would have been reasonable that he was the poor victim, but that hasn't even been his goal'' - Please do not think that I was saying : ''People who crave attention deserve to be victim because it's their fault or they wanted it'' or anything like that. No one deserves that. I was just trying to say that if he was someone who craved attention , it would be more reasonable that the bullies picked him as a victim because he would catch their eye but Tyler actually always hides from everyone and because of that he doesn't understand why he of all people is the victim.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler celebrates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: alchohol abuse, underage drinking,kind of graphic memories of rape, mental overload,

Tyler found himself laying on a couch in a dark room, filled with people who were dancing to loud music. His vision was blurry. Slowly he sat up. Where was he and how did he get here? His head was hurting and when he touched his scalp he recognized blood. A man pointed at him. ''He's awake! He's finally awake!''. And suddenly Tyler could remember. It was the man that  had forced him to drink something alcoholic. Something had been shattered on his head and he had lost conciousness. He assumed that those people just dragged him into the next club. Panic, rage, pain. That's what he felt right now. Tyler quickly stood up when he noticed that the man was walking towards him. ''Don't touch me! Just leave me alone!!''. He was about to run away but the club was too crowded. The man could easily catch up on him. And he did. ''I don't know what you want from me , just leave me alone. I'm still underage!'', he hoped that saying this would convince the man to let him go. Desperately he fought his way through the mass of people. ''Chill, pretty boy!! Guys, help me. This boy needs to relax!'', the man shouted at the dancing people who all were drunk obviously... Tyler wanted to cry. This situation was a mental overload to him. A few people grabbed his arms so that it was impossible for him to leave. It felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He was about to hyperventilate. All these strange hands were too much for him. Combined with the loud music, the wild party lights, the heat of the dancing crowd and the smell of alcohol and sweat it felt like a nightmare. One of the people who grabbed him had a thight grip around his wound but the person didn't seem to care about Tyler who was now screaming because it hurt like hell. Out of nowhere another man appeared in front of him with a bottle full of champagne. The man forced the bottle onto his mouth and Tyler had no other choice than to drink. His mouth already had been open from screaming out of pain. The people around him were cheering. ''Drink up! Drink up! Drink up!'' , was their chant. Tyler swallowed, swallowed, tried to breathe, failed, choked on champagne, kept on swallowing. It reminded him of the rape. It reminded him of the way he was forced to swallow the boys cum. The memory gave him shivers. After what felt like an eternity the bottle was empty. The cheering was loud when the bottle was dropped to the floor. It felt like he was spinning. Or rather everyone else was spinning. Or maybe him and everyone else were spinning together. Somehow he felt lighter and at same time his body felt hot and strange. ''Dance with us!!'', one girl yelled. He knew that it was a bad idea but things felt so easy right now. So he followed the girl and danced with the rest of the crowd. He didn't even know the songs.

A few more shots were offered to him and he drank every single one. Finally Tyler lost all his inhibitions and celebrated as wild as the rest. He felt independant from everyone. From the boys, from his family and ironically even from the people who actually put him into this situation. Right now he wanted to feel someone. He wanted to be touched. His body had been used anyways. Why should he pass on intimacy ? He wanted to know how it felt when he consented. And he wanted to feel lips. He wanted to kiss someone. No one has ever kissed him before. Immediately he thougth of Jenna. Her soft lips would feel perfect on his. Her hands would be gentle. Tyler was turning around as if he was looking for her though he knew that it was very likely that she wasn't here. Jenna was popular and she went to a lot of parties but the parties were always private. She didn't go to clubs to celebrate. Suddenly he stopped turning around. Not just because he almost tripped but also because he recognized a face that looked familiar to him. 

 

Josh. He knew that he was quite drunk but nevertheless he was sure that Josh was not just an imagination. Josh was sitting at the bar. Talking to a few friends. Smiling. Having fun. Tyler was confused. He stopped dancing and just stared at the purple haired boy. Without thinking Tyler stepped up to Josh, grabbed him at the collar of his short-sleeved blouse and pulled him close to his body. Josh was unable to do something. He was too surprised. Suddenly Tyler pressed his lips onto Joshs. Josh didn't deny. He indeed returned the kiss. Tyler couldn't think of anything else than the feeling of Joshs soft lips. They got wilder, passionate, greedy. Tyler licked Joshs lips, softly bit his bottom lip and continued tongue kissing him. Josh grabbed strands of Tylers smooth hair and pushed him even closer to his body. Tyler loved it. Kissing felt heavenly and he never wanted it to end. But still something felt wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not going to end as a Joshler fanfic, I'm sorry for the Joshler fans ... :D


End file.
